Isolation and acceptance

I was recently asked to write a blog on isolation.  Where do I begin? Where do I stop?

Given the recent reality of our world and COVID 19, feelings of isolation, loneliness, aloneness, and solitude are abundant. I, like many clients I have met with during the past week, are experiencing more anxiety than normal due to the current circumstances. The mandatory closures, social distancing, self-isolation and quarantines are truly something I have never had to deal with before. COVID 19 is an infliction none of us have had to deal with before. There is an eeriness in our world and it is uncomfortable. These are extraordinary times of uncertainty for most of us.

To quote a friend, “This fucking sucks”.

​In this post I will briefly discuss the topic of isolation and provide a few helpful suggestions for people who are struggling with feelings of separation and isolation at this time.

As I mentioned in my first blog post, we are social beings and we need to feel connected to others. It is necessary for our health, well-being and survival. Scientific literature and research has also well documented the vital importance of physical touch for health and well-being, and arguably for survival.

​I have had moments during the past week where I notice the sharp twinge in my body when I must distance myself from someone. I seen my aunt at the local grocery store and we both wanted to hug each other but we couldn’t, and didn’t. I felt this distance in my body. I notice a poke of fear as I see sign after sign in the grocery store limiting the quantities of food basics. I notice the people wiping door handles, cart handles, washing their hands and using hand sanitizer. I notice much less traffic on the roads and more people walking. The low price of gasoline. No sports, no Maple Leafs and no Tim & Sid. And the list goes on. This has had an impact.

I heard from a client this week how cut-off and alone she feels. She cannot go to her job or her church. She cannot see her support worker or volunteer at the local senior’s home. She is now even more disconnected from the world than she was before COVID 19. I felt her sense of fear, almost panic, of the unknown and what is yet to come. These are beyond difficult times for a lot of people.

​For some people the social distancing and isolation won’t feel much different to them. So many people live in isolation now, and before COVID 19.

​I would like to share what I have learned on distinguishing between isolation, loneliness, and solitude.

• Isolation is the experience of being separated from others. There is social isolation and emotional isolation. Social isolation is an absence of social relationships and is usually unwanted. Emotional isolation is being unable or unwilling to share their emotions with others.
• Solitude, on the other hand, is the state of being alone. Solitude may be chosen or forced, peaceful or torturous.
• Loneliness is wanting social contact and connections, usually with feelings of sadness, emptiness and aloneness. Some people crave social relationships and connections but are unable, for whatever reason, to achieve this. You can experience loneliness in a room full of people or sitting across the table from your partner.

So what do I, we, do?

I would like to offer a few helpful suggestions for anyone finding themselves being negatively affected by the current circumstances:

• Acceptance. Radical acceptance. Accept that this is how it is. Accept that this is how life has to be at this time. This is one of the most powerful things you can do. Resisting or wishing it was different is only going to bring more frustration and possible suffering. “Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it” (Eckhart Tolle).
• Shift your focus to your own health and well-being. Too many of us, for many reasons, neglect or forget to tend to our health and well-being. We simply get caught up in the too fast pace of life and living and we go on the backburner.
• Spend time getting to know your Self. Remember self-care.
• Stay connected with people via phone, email, social media and video chats. The current ban is on physical distancing, not emotional and mental distancing.
• Limit the amount of time and exposure you have to news media and catastrophic reporting.
• Work on something you have been planning to do. Most of us have an ongoing to-do list of things we plan to get to one day. Use this time as an opportunity to check to-dos off your list.
• Try to maintain some structure and routine to your day. Many people are feeling lost because regular and familiar routines are not in place right now.
• Know you are not alone.
• We are going through this because we all are trying to do our part to reduce the impact of this virus. We will get through this.

Lastly, I would like to share one of my favorite Native American sayings called Little Hummingbird.

Once there was a great forest fire,
and all the birds and animals rushed to escape.
Little Hummingbird went to the river
and collected a drop of water.
The other birds laughed.
“What are you doing?” they asked.
Little Hummingbird replied,
“I am doing what I can.”

With strength and loving kindness.

“Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgement of the facts of a situation. Then deciding what you're going to do about it” (Kathleen Casey Theisen).

“You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf” (Joseph Goldstein).

“Acceptance is a letting-go process. You let go of your wishes and demands that life can be different. It's a conscious choice” (Gary Emery).

“Acceptance is observation of life and suspension of judgment about whether what is happening is good or bad, right or wrong” (Ron Smotherman).

​Acceptance is more easily said than done. For a helpful article or to learn more about practicing radical acceptance visit
​https://blogs.psychcentral.com/cultivating-contentment/2020/02/16-ways-to-practice-radical-acceptance/