I was recently asked to write a blog on isolation. Where do I begin? Where do I stop? Given the recent reality of our world and COVID 19, feelings of isolation, loneliness, aloneness, and solitude are abundant. I, like many clients I have met with during the past week, are experiencing more anxiety than normal due to the current circumstances. The mandatory closures, social distancing, self-isolation and quarantines are truly something I have never had to deal with before. COVID 19 is an infliction none of us have had to deal with before. There is an eeriness in our world and it is uncomfortable. These are extraordinary times of uncertainty for most of us. To quote a friend, “This fucking sucks”. In this post I will briefly discuss the topic of isolation and provide a few helpful suggestions for people who are struggling with feelings of separation and isolation at this time. As I mentioned in my first blog post, we are social beings and we need to feel connected to others. It is necessary for our health, well-being and survival. Scientific literature and research has also well documented the vital importance of physical touch for health and well-being, and arguably for survival. I have had moments during the past week where I notice the sharp twinge in my body when I must distance myself from someone. I seen my aunt at the local grocery store and we both wanted to hug each other but we couldn’t, and didn’t. I felt this distance in my body. I notice a poke of fear as I see sign after sign in the grocery store limiting the quantities of food basics. I notice the people wiping door handles, cart handles, washing their hands and using hand sanitizer. I notice much less traffic on the roads and more people walking. The low price of gasoline. No sports, no Maple Leafs and no Tim & Sid. And the list goes on. This has had an impact. I heard from a client this week how cut-off and alone she feels. She cannot go to her job or her church. She cannot see her support worker or volunteer at the local senior’s home. She is now even more disconnected from the world than she was before COVID 19. I felt her sense of fear, almost panic, of the unknown and what is yet to come. These are beyond difficult times for a lot of people. For some people the social distancing and isolation won’t feel much different to them. So many people live in isolation now, and before COVID 19. I would like to share what I have learned on distinguishing between isolation, loneliness, and solitude.
So what do I, we, do? I would like to offer a few helpful suggestions for anyone finding themselves being negatively affected by the current circumstances:
Lastly, I would like to share one of my favorite Native American sayings called Little Hummingbird. Once there was a great forest fire, and all the birds and animals rushed to escape. Little Hummingbird went to the river and collected a drop of water. The other birds laughed. “What are you doing?” they asked. Little Hummingbird replied, “I am doing what I can.” With strength and loving kindness. “Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgement of the facts of a situation. Then deciding what you're going to do about it” (Kathleen Casey Theisen).
“You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf” (Joseph Goldstein). “Acceptance is a letting-go process. You let go of your wishes and demands that life can be different. It's a conscious choice” (Gary Emery). “Acceptance is observation of life and suspension of judgment about whether what is happening is good or bad, right or wrong” (Ron Smotherman). Acceptance is more easily said than done. For a helpful article or to learn more about practicing radical acceptance visit https://blogs.psychcentral.com/cultivating-contentment/2020/02/16-ways-to-practice-radical-acceptance/
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Deep breath. In.
Slow breath out. Begin. Welcome. Please allow me to introduce myself for our first session. My name is Margaret Rose Mauger and I am a Registered Counselling Therapist in the beautiful province of Nova Scotia. I work at my private practice, Mauger Counselling Therapy, where I provide counselling, support, education and advocacy. Today was a good day. A young person I know will be able to go to a trauma recovery program for individuals who have been trafficked and sexually exploited. And, I had great conversations with clients about Post Traumatic Stress ‘Response’ (in place of ‘Disorder’) and Post Traumatic Growth. Today was a good day. Prior to starting my private practice, I served as the Executive Director and Trauma Counselling Therapist at the Colchester Sexual Assault Centre. For over nine years, before I resigned, I worked with all genders ranging from age 13 to 86 from diverse backgrounds and cultures who have experienced sexualized violence and trauma. The personal stories and life experiences of individuals I have heard and witnessed during my time at the sexual assault centre were truly profound and unimaginable. I am immensely grateful for the opportunity and ability to serve the clients I work with. The counselling work I do, and the Chair I sit in, is truly an honor and privilege each and every day. This is my first blog post. For a title I proudly thought the name First Session: the Therapist Chair seemed both appropriate and clever. Afterall, a first blog post should (I hesitate to use that word) be somewhat like a first session or an introduction at least. Maybe a little sense of who I am. Right? So, why would I want to write a blog? My intention is to share stories and snippets from the lessons I have learned as both the therapist and the client sitting in/on the Therapist Chair. I hope to inspire the reader to look within themselves, connect with that quiet still part that sometimes seems lost, and exhale. Know you are not alone. I will share stories, writings and photographs from my own personal experiences in the hopes that a reader may be able to relate, feel connected or maybe feel inspired to move to take action in some way in their life. What is something you can do today to make your life easier for you to be in? What is something you can do today to honor a part of you that may be neglected or forgotten or hurt? Another reason I believe I feel compelled to write a blog is we are all social beings in addition to our personal self and we all need to feel connection or connected to others. Arguably, it is necessary for survival. Back to talking about chairs (one client of mine would call me out on this poor transition), I had no idea there were so many types of chairs until I started thinking about it. There are armchairs, dentist, sofa, musical, electric, time-out, wing, slipper, Klismos, club and cub, rocking, recliner, office, wheel, folding, low back and high back, gaming, wood, leather, metal, tweed, barber and executive, director, ladderback, garden, antique and modern, and many more. There is also the Therapist Chair. The Chair I sit on in my office is a tweed sofa chair. The Chair my clients sit on is the matching tweed couch. It is the “hot seat” as some clients have called it. During a first session with a client I typically gather information and history. Name, address, contact info, medications, other supports, limits to confidentiality and so on. Generally, a lot of questions are asked. One of the most important questions I ask is, “What are you currently dealing with that brought you here today?” This can be an incredibly difficult question for some clients to answer. Some clients are so overwhelmed with what they have going on in their world that they don’t know where to start. A few months ago I asked a male client, in his mid-forties, the question what brought him in to see me. “Can you turn your chair around please,” he replied. I have had this happen before. Only when I am not looking at someone, whether that be my chair is turned around not facing them or the person cuts off eye contact with me, is that person able to tell me why they are sitting in my office today. So many people carry this heavy sense of shame for what was done to them. And so many carry that weight every day. My job is to help a person lighten that load they bear. (I can imagine a certain client of mine cringing at my grammatical errors here). A first session is when you start to build rapport. The therapist gains a sense of the areas where focus may be need to be directed and begins to get an idea of how to move forward. The client is able to get a “vibe” from you and they try to decide whether you are someone they want to talk to, work with and trust. Clients must feel safe and not judged. The first session is an introduction. Before I finish our first session, I would like to add a little analogy – therapy or a therapist is like a chair – they help support you and hold you up. There, made it through the first session, will you come back for a second? Please let me know if you have any specific topics or questions you would like me to consider writing about from The Therapist Chair. If you would like to learn more about my professional work and me please visit my website at www.maugetherapy.com Thank you for your time. |
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